Remember when you were single, how you used to fantasize about what life would feel like once you fell in love?
You imagined how you’d never feel lonely again because you’d have a companion with whom to share your days and nights. You’d go on vacation together, you’d have someone to share the holidays with, you’d have someone to cuddle with and talk to on cold, rainy nights.
Healing Rather Than Leaving
Are you so stuck in your relationship that you think it might be easier to start over with someone else?
Leaving can be one option, but what if it’s not the BEST option? You can experience so much joy if you can learn to stay open and loving to yourself through the challenging times with your partner.
It is only then that you will discover the real meaning of being in love—tapping into an overflowing of love that is already within you. And when you do that, the love between you and your partner becomes boundless.
You imagined that you’d always have someone in your corner to support you and validate you, so you’d never have to feel rejected or shamed. They’d cheer you on and tell you that they have your back. You’d feel courageous to face just about any challenge.
There would always be someone in your life who thought you were attractive, funny, smart—even if the rest of the world criticized you or made you feel wrong or insignificant.
”Finally,” you thought, “this one person is going to make everything alright.”
It’s funny that so many of us still believe that, even when we’re faced with so much evidence that it’s not true.
We cling to the dream and tell ourselves that we’re unhappy in our relationship because we “picked the wrong partner,” or “we can’t communicate,” or because “we can’t seem to get along” with the one person who was supposed to make everything okay.
But when we come into a relationship with these expectations, we’re dooming ourselves to fail. It’s the very belief that a relationship will make us happy that will create the exact opposite of what we’re really looking for.
So Why Doesn’t Falling In Love Solve Everything And Create Happiness?
Why isn’t the key to happiness simply giving love to someone and getting it in return?
Why isn’t being loved the answer to feeling accepted and blissfully content?
Because it’s not the getting of love that fulfills us—it’s the sharing of love that we have bursting forth within us.
And that’s why so many who seem to “have it all” can NEVER feel fulfilled.
Just look at celebrities. No matter how many accolades, vacation homes, or adoring fans they have, many are still depressed, addicted, and dissatisfied. Acquiring attention does not make them feel loved or take away whatever empty feelings they had before they became famous.
Likewise, most people move into relationships from a place of lack. They look for someone to love them, take away their pain, and make everything alright.
Thinking that the “answer” lies outside them, they will be needy in their relationships—always expecting the other person to fill them up. And because it’s impossible for someone else to take away our pain, we end up feeling more and more empty when they don’t.
Why Giving Love To Get Love Isn’t Love At All (And Will Never Satisfy You)
If you go into a relationship believing you need your partner’s love to feel good about yourself, this leaves you in a very precarious place. You will carry with you an urgency to get this love from your partner, and it will compel you into behaviors in order to get this love.
For example, you do “nice” things for your partner like cook them their favorite meals, but you’re really doing it out of the belief that if you cater to their desires, they’ll never leave.
Maybe you need them to constantly reassure you of their love—through words or gifts—and you sulk when they don’t do it.
Or perhaps you rearrange your schedule to spend time with your mate so you can keep tabs on him or her. If they decide to go out with friends instead of you, it throws you into a panic—you think they’re losing interest.
Painfully, these behaviors often feel like pressure and control to your partner, who will pull away. This leaves you feeling more empty and rejected. Your relationship suffers, and maybe even ends.
Making another person responsible for our sense of worth and validation isn’t love, and it won’t make you feel loved.
The key to real love is to have so much love and acceptance of ourselves from within, that we don’t need to get this from our partner. Instead, we want to SHARE love—not give to get.
Real Love Has No Agenda—It Is Only Given For The Sheer Joy Of It
There is no greater joy in life than the sharing of love, but until you learn to love yourself, you cannot sustain the sharing of love with another.
We don’t need anything back from anyone when we’re validating ourselves, approving ourselves, and knowing our worth.
When we take responsibility for our own sense of validation and self worth, we come to relationships completely differently. We don’t need our partners to prove their love to us, to agree with us, or to take away our pain.
Instead, we are safe and secure within ourselves, which allows us to create true safety and security with our partner.
Where before we were trying to get love, now we can give for the sheer joy of it.
When both partners are doing this, you create the most joyful experience you can ever have.
As you and your partner each learn to fill yourselves up from the inside—rather than trying to get it from each other—you begin to be able to feel love within.
Now, instead of trying to get love from each other, you’ve filled yourselves up with so much love that it comes spilling out to be shared with each other.
Both of you are now getting what each of you wanted all along.
The Definitive Process That Creates Boundless, Overflowing Love
It’s really quite simple: love flows between two people whose hearts are open to learning and to sharing love.
You can learn to do this—even when you’re feeling insecure about yourself, even if your partner is being unloving, and even if you feel so stuck in your relationship, you’re thinking it might just be easier to get out.
When people heal themselves first and make themselves happy first, more often than not, the relationship also heals.
And that’s when both partners can experience the incredible joy of overflowing love.
In my program, Wildly, Deeply, Joyously In Love, you’ll learn to heal yourself AND your relationship.
It’s based on Inner Bonding, a six-step process that has helped thousands of people finally heal the issues that have kept them unfulfilled in relationships. This is a definitive, step-by-step process that always works if you practice it.
Throughout the 30 days of the program, you’ll get a daily video and reading where I’ll teach you a key insight you can apply to yourself and within your relationship right away.
From recognizing where you are trying to get love from your partner, to working through conflict (sometimes without even having to say a word), to dealing with differences in desire for physical intimacy, you’ll learn to lovingly heal yourself, stop the needy behaviors that are draining love, and feel so filled up with your own source of endless love that your relationship itself naturally overflows with love.
Love CAN be kept alive, even in long-term relationships. What keeps love alive is each person’s willingness to do the inner work necessary to keep your heart open to loving and learning. Love flows freely when hearts are open.
Blessings,
P.S. Couples are often startled to realize the subtle, covert control tactics they use to get love from each other.
You’ll never look at yourself—or your relationship—the same way again once you uncover your own intent to control and instead move into the intent to heal and learn:
Wildly, Deeply, Joyously In Love
The Definitive, Six-Step Process That Helps Heal the #1 Cause of Conflict and Resentment in Relationships, So You Can Feel Wildly, Deeply, Joyously In Love Again
✶ Heal the issues at the core of all relationship dysfunction
✶ Discover an endless source of love already within you
✶ Dissolve bitterness, anger and resentment with your partner
✶ Learn the 6-step process to feel deeply at peace and secure
About Dr. Margaret Paul
Best-selling author and co-creator of the six-step Inner Bonding process
Dr. Margaret will teach you heal yourself AND your relationship with the powerful process of Inner Bonding.
