A Better Way To “Fix” Your Relationship (Even If You’ve Tried Everything!)

Does your relationship leave you feeling bad, blah or just overall confused?

Maybe your partner doesn’t prioritize you anymore. Or there’s not enough sex. Or not enough money (or too much spending!).

Maybe you argue all the time. About small things like dishes and piles of “half-worn” clothes, or about big things like your child’s education, your family budget or where you live.

Your relationship lacks energy. You feel drained by constantly asking for what you need and not getting it.

It feels more like a grind and chore than the joyful partnership you’d imagined. There’s no fun, no laughing together, no holding hands. You don’t wake up excited about being together. Instead, you secretly wonder:

“Surely it should be better than this?”

Your relationship feels too good to leave, but too bad to stay. And you just don’t know what to do to fix it.

Trying To Feel Better About Your Relationship Is Just Bringing You Down

If you’re like most of the couples who come to me, you’ve tried several strategies to inject more vitality into your relationship.

You might learn each other’s “love language”; but after two weeks, you go right back to your routine interactions.

You’ve tried talking, but there’s been no change.

You’ve tried ignoring, but resentment builds.

You’ve tried making suggestions, but changes dissipate and despair increases.

You’ve taken up tango or tennis together, but the choreography dies when the hour is over.

You’ve tried focusing on being the best partner you can be but grew weary when it didn’t seem to matter.

More money didn’t help, and less money made it worse. In therapy you paid to talk about your problems but solutions were nowhere in sight.

You are both using “I messages,” validating feelings, and making sure sex happens, but the foundation of your marriage keeps sliding toward destruction.

And of course, you tried date night. Only to spend $100 to look at your phones.

Why “Date Night” Type Strategies Don’t Work (And May Make Things Worse)

Common strategies like date night seem great on the surface, but they’re still not enough to save a relationship.

And the reason is because they are only scratching the surface.

Strategies aimed at creating a more vital relationship system will fail unless they look at root-causes, not just the boring results.

If your relationship doesn’t feel fun, going on a date night is not going to magically make everything better.

If you and your partner aren’t connected and enjoying each other, a fancy dinner isn’t going to change that. You typically go on a date with someone you already like, not with someone you feel is taking you for granted or treating you poorly.

When things aren’t going well in your relationship, date night can feel as exciting as prepping for a colonoscopy.

Couples who religiously do date night break up every day, and there is a simple reason why.

But you won’t find the answer in advice columns, podcasts, or broadcasts; and most self-help books never manage to mention it. Because all of these sources make the same common mistake.

Corrective changes–like date night–while somewhat helpful, fail to stop the five fateful forces that can bulldoze your relationship downhill toward demise because they focus on the symptoms, not the system.

Date night and similar strategies might make you feel better in the moment, but the high is short-lived at best. You’re only delaying the inevitable.

In fact, because you are investing time and money into date night without lasting results, you are more likely to feel even more convinced your relationship is doomed.

Rest Assured, There Is A Better Way–And It Begins With Awareness

Vitality, first and foremost, starts with two energetic people who join forces to create a living, breathing relationship that feels robust to the partners and anyone who relates to them.

It’s not harder, it doesn’t take more time, and it gets the job done.

Because instead of focusing on the same old issues you’ve dealt with before, it addresses the five invisible forces pulling you away from the relationship you long for and deserve. The better way is a more efficient way.

Albert Einstein once said, “If I had an hour to solve a problem I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and five minutes thinking about the solutions.”

No wonder the man is considered brilliant. You can come up with hundreds of solutions, but until you have identified the problem, solutions will be hit or miss at best.

Once you see the real problem in your relationship, the solutions will become self-evident.

You Tried Everything. You Worked Harder. Now You Will Work Smarter.

If you have a relationship worth protecting, there is no better way to preserve and improve it than identifying the five forces that threaten it and taking steps to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Most couples in crisis spend too much time focusing on the symptoms that represent the particular force instead of working on addressing the underlying reason that the relationship is broken or weak.

When you identify the five forces and learn how to create a vital relationship system, then the symptoms of relationship malaise melt away.

For example, you may complain that you’re a different person than you were when you first met your partner, but your partner hasn’t changed, and therefore, you’ve “grown apart”. You feel bored with your partner and think you need to “spice things up”. But all you’re doing is addressing the symptom of a lifeless relationship (by going on date night) instead of doing what it takes to strengthen the system (taking effective steps to add vitality to a lifeless relationship).

In other words, once you know the underlying cause of your dissatisfaction, you can go about making the changes in your relationship that will actually make a difference.

When I work with couples to help them see what’s really behind their fighting, boredom, conflicts, and disconnection, they have a huge “AHA.”

They finally “get” what’s missing, and exactly what they need to do to get their love back on track.

I’ll share more about these five invisible forces that are threatening your relationship, when you subscribe to Flourish’s FREE Relationship Advice Newsletter.

You’ll also learn:

• How to “break-up proof” your relationship by getting to the bottom of WHY you feel dissatisfied, resentful, unloved or bored with your partner, and the specific tools to help you reconnect and fall deeply in love again.
• How to address the underlying issues related to almost any relationship problem you’re experiencing, whether it’s your partner being inconsiderate, or growing apart in your relationship, or dealing with financial issues or a lack of passion.
• Specific things you can do on your own to improve your marriage, even if your partner is not on board, or you can’t seem to be able to discuss your concerns with them right now.
• Get specific tips on how to improve your connection with your partner without having to engage in long, drawn-out discussions or even couples’ therapy.
• The secret to reigniting passion in the bedroom, including specific techniques and strategies that will increase your connection, feel amazing, and boost your overall health and vitality.

Simply enter your name and email address in the box, and you’ll get all this plus much, much more.

It’s free, it’s easy, and you’ll be amazed at what a difference the tips and insights will make in your relationship!

A relationship doesn’t need to lose passion and connection, just because you’ve been together for a long time. Just the opposite! It should get sweeter and more loving with time.

Marriage CAN be enlivening and wonderful, if you have the right knowledge and tools.

The advice contained in the articles I’ve written for Flourish will help you uncover the hidden issues that are draining your relationship of joy and passion, and help you create and maintain a strong foundation of love and respect, so that your relationship can last a lifetime.

May you have an extraordinary day,