When you start dating a guy you’re really, really into, do you wish you had a way to know how he really feels about you, short of actually asking him?
You want to know his intentions because:
- You don’t want to waste your time if he’s just interested in something casual.
- You don’t want to give your heart and get too excited if he’s just going to disappear after a month.
- You don’t want to get hurt again.
Do You Hate Dating?
Do you hate dating and wish you could just find your soul mate, like NOW?
It’s understandable. Dating can be scary. It can trigger your worst fears. It can seem like a gigantic waste of time if you’re not meeting any quality men. But the only way to success is to a) persist despite setbacks and b) learn from your failures and mistakes. That’s where my program, Date Without Heartbreak can help. You’ll learn how to reframe your mistakes into effective strategies to find, attract, and keep the man who’ll want to marry you.
So you watch him closely and hang on every word. Are there red flags you’re not seeing? Sure, he’s saying wonderful things, but does he mean them?
You may even have a checklist running in your head.
If he asks you out again within a day or two after a great date, you score a check in the “likes me” box.
If it takes him a day to even respond to a text, you score a check in the “not into me as much” box. But then the next time you see him he says he missed you and has been thinking about you. It’s all so confusing!
The more attraction and chemistry you feel, the more focused you get on his every word, every nuance, and every action. Is he falling for you, too? Does he see things getting more serious?
You’re afraid of just asking him, and for good reason. You’ve experienced men pulling back or disappearing when you give them the where-is-the-relationship-going speech.
But it’s driving you crazy, because this guy could be THE guy. You want to relax and stop worrying about his intentions.
You don’t want to invest all that time and emotion into a guy who’s just going to tell you he’s not “feeling it” for you, is still in love with his ex, or doesn’t want to get serious with anyone right now.
Which leads me to bring up an important point. If you’re that anxious about needing to know where it’s going before giving your relationship a chance to get going, you may be creating the very thing you’re trying your best to avoid.
Just like one of my dating coaching clients did…
Are You Creating A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?
I once worked with an amazing woman in her early 30’s—cute, successful, intelligent, and with a huge heart. She had been hurt by lots of disappearing guys.
She couldn’t figure out why she was having so much trouble with dating, and at first, I wasn’t sure, either. She seemed to have it together in so many ways.
But the longer we worked together, it became perfectly clear.
She’d tell me things about her dates that revealed a pattern:
After date 1, she’d say: “We had a lot of fun but we only talked about superficial stuff. What happens when he finds out that there’s a deeper side to me?”
After date 2: “He was 15 minutes late for our date. Does that mean he doesn’t really respect me and my time?”
After date 3: “He hasn’t taken down his profile yet. Is he just using me until he finds someone else?”
Or questions such as these:
“What did it mean if he didn’t call me the next day after we slept together?”
“He was going to spend the holidays with his family and didn’t ask me along, does that mean he doesn’t see a future with me?”
“He canceled our date and had a weak excuse. Is he losing interest?”
The pattern that was crystallizing was that she was too focused on needing to know how a guy felt about her. She would hyper-analyze his every word and move.
It’s normal to have concerns like these, but if you’re too focused on them you’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why? Because if you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, you’ll create an atmosphere that’s NOT conducive to falling in love.
It’ll just be a matter of time before the guy senses there’s something “off” about the relationship.
Maybe you get really quiet and cool if he has to cancel a date or if he isn’t consistently enthusiastic around you, because you’re worried and taking it personally.
Or, you question him about his motives and words. Did he really mean what he said when he told you all those affectionate things?
Or, you don’t take things at face value. If he’s having a bad day for whatever reason, you see it as a reflection of how he’s feeling about YOU.
He’ll look at all this and wonder if you’re really the right partner for him, and may withdraw for a while to think things through. He may even decide he needs a break from dating you. Or he needs to end things because you aren’t the easygoing, confident person he thought you were.
In hyper-focusing so much on whether he’ll stay, you’re actually driving him away.
And all because you needed to know “where this is going” before it gets there.
There’s a better way to gauge his interest and intention without going down this dangerous path.
There Are Only 2 Things That Reveal How He Feels
You have a couple of choices when you meet a guy you like and start to date:
1. You can play the “what if” game and drive yourself mad. You can ponder, What if he’s not really interested in anything serious? What if he’s just biding his time until someone better comes along? What if he’s going to dump me as soon as I sleep with him?
And in doing so, you create the self-fulfilling prophecy of driving him away with your inquisitions, touchiness, and mistrust.
Or
2. You can relax NOW and let him reveal himself organically, over time—without pressure or needing answers before he’s ready to offer them. This option will give him time and space to fully appreciate you and—yes—possibly fall in love with you.
If you choose the second option, what should you look for to know how he feels about you without asking him or driving yourself mad?
All you have to do is ask yourself: is he giving me enough of his time, AND is he making an effort?
Those are the only two things that reveal his true intentions and feelings for you.
If he calls every night, and always ends a date by asking for another date, and wants to see you exclusively, then congratulations, you have a boyfriend.
If he freaks out when you act vulnerable on date 6, or flakes out on three straight dates, or goes four straight months without seeing you more than once a week, you don’t.
But you can’t know that on date 1, 2, or 3. And your attempts to figure things out too early on end up killing your chances to get to know him organically.
This is why, if you have a history of dating men who flake out, disappear, or break up with you just when things were starting to get serious, you may want to take a look at the ways you’re sabotaging your relationships and creating self-fulfilling prophecies without being aware that you’re doing so.
How To Be The Relaxed, Confident Woman A Man Will Fall For
It’s a mistake to be so hyper-focused on where a relationship is headed or how a man feels about you before he even gets a chance to get to know you.
Even if you’ve been hurt in the past, even if you say you don’t want to waste your time, it’s still a mistake, because you’ll come across as anything BUT the relaxed, confident, accepting woman he sees himself committing to.
I know it’s hard to “see” these types of dating mistakes from your own perspective.
I’ve literally coached thousands of women who have thought the same things, and made the same mistakes, until I pointed things out they hadn’t thought of before. In my 15+ year career as a dating and relationship coach, I’ve heard countless stories of heartbreak. What I’ve observed is that much of this heartbreak happens because women make mistakes based on a misunderstanding about men, how they think, or what makes them fall in love.
Once they hear the truth and date from a reality-based approach as opposed to a fear or assumption-based approach, everything changes.
They start to relax and have more fun dating.
Men ask them out more often and are more enthusiastic and forthcoming about their feelings.
They no longer worry so much about “where it’s going” and start to focus more on whether a man is the RIGHT man and how THEY feel. Not how the man feels.
And that’s an amazing shift, both for your own peace of mind and for the likelihood that you’ll end up falling for a quality man.
It all starts with learning the truth about men and getting a new perspective.
That’s where my eBook and audio program, Date Without Heartbreak: 10 Incredibly Common Mistakes That Keep Great Women Single, comes in.
This program will open your eyes to what you’ve been (accidentally) doing that’s been sabotaging your love life for years.
You’ll learn what makes a man fall in love, what makes him ghost you, why he’ll tell you he’s not into anything serious but commit to another woman months later.
You’ll be amazed to learn how marvelously uncomplicated men are, and how unnecessary all your suffering and worrying has been.
You can learn all about these 10 common mistakes and how to avoid them, starting today, by reading or listening here:
Do yourself a favor and invest in your own peace of mind.
I can’t wait to share with you everything I’ve known about how men fall in love, what you REALLY have to do to protect yourself, and the things you need to STOP doing, because they’re not serving you anyway.
You’ll finally stop worrying and wondering “where is this going” and start enjoying those exciting early weeks and months with a man who, if he’s lucky, will one day be your husband.
Your friend,
P.S. Are there other ways you’re pushing a man away because you’re afraid of getting hurt?
In Chapter 9 of Date Without Heartbreak, you’ll learn why you’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy when you worry that the new guy you’re seeing is going to hurt you or leave, just like the last guy. What will this belief compel you to do that’s such a turn-off for a guy? Find out here:
Date Without Heartbreak
Discover the Truth about Men and Dating, and Get the Love Life You’ve Been Aching for
✶ 10 incredibly common mistakes that sabotage love
✶ What men need to feel to fall in love
✶ How to stop the constant analyzing, and get your power back with men
✶ What makes a man pull away, and what keeps him wanting more
About Evan Marc Katz
Helping smart, strong, successful women understand and connect with men since 2003
Evan will teach you how to stop letting misunderstandings and mistakes ruin your chances with a great man.
