Does Happiness Really Disappear?

by Marci Shimoff

When was the last time you were really happy? Like truly, “my life can’t get any better than this” happy?

Was it when you achieved a goal you’d been working toward for a long time, like making a down payment on a new home or finally fitting into that “dream” pair of jeans?

Or maybe it was because you got something you wanted, like that new job or promotion, a new piece of recreational equipment, or that great new car.

Or maybe you were happy because you fell in love and you finally heard those 3 words said back to you.

Was it because someone you loved did something that made you proud?

At that moment, you were happy. You called your best friend to share the news, you went out for a celebratory dinner with your partner, you took your child out for ice cream. You treated yourself to a spa or a mini vacation. Life seemed to be going your way.

But let me ask you this:

How long did it last?

How long were you happy before real life snuck back in, along with the worry and doubt? How long until you realized that the new job had a lot of stress or until the new house came with more bills than you were ready for?

And when was the last time you checked a goal off your list and thought “Yup, that’s it. I’m done. I’m permanently happy now.”?

Was it like…never?

The problem isn’t the idea of happiness. It’s the way we go after it. But when you understand what makes someone truly happy… you can begin to find it in a way that doesn’t disappear.

Happiness is a Spectrum: But Most Of Us Pursue It The Wrong Way

Just like your mood on any given day can run the gamut - so can your natural happiness level.

There are naturally happy people out there. Those whose natural states are inner peace, joy, and contentment.

And there are people out there who range from mild dissatisfaction to regular unhappiness.

And these aren’t moods brought on by life circumstances - these are set points that create the baseline for everything.

If you have a lower set point, it takes more for you to be joyous than someone with a higher set point. That’s just the way it is.

So why do we treat happiness like a one-size fits all thing? Why do we think we should all have the same reactions to the same life events?

If you have a low happiness set-point, the joy you feel may not last as long until you’re back to the everyday blahs.

And until you’re aware of this to begin with - you’re powerless to change it.

You just think you’re missing something. You think that you need to do or achieve or acquire more to feel more fulfilled.

So you set some new goals and new plans. And you fulfill those. But the cycle repeats itself. Until the next time you create a plan to be happy - each time convinced it’s the key to being happy at last.

But most of us have the wrong idea of what will make us happy, so we waste a lot of energy pursuing something that just won’t last.

And we spend our lives frustrated because we just can’t figure out what we’re missing.

In all my years teaching happiness, I’ve identified THREE things that most people think will make them happy… but don’t do anything to raise that happiness set-point. So they become part of that happy/unhappy cycle that keeps people feeling stuck and frustrated and unfulfilled.

1. Money or wealth.

It’s really common to think that because debt is a stressor, that it’s keeping us from being happy. You might think, “If only I could pay off my debt, I’d stop worrying and be at peace.” Or “If only I could find a way to make $___, I could do the things I want to do in life, and I’d be happy.”

But if that was the case, then lottery winners would be blissful forever, right?

Research actually shows that lottery winners revert to their previous level of happiness less than a year after they win.

Even I used to think that money would make me happy. After writing several New York Times best-selling books, I could finally afford to buy the kind of home (and other things) I always wanted. But instead, I felt an emptiness inside that I couldn’t explain, and money couldn’t cure.

And yet, so many of us think that money is the answer to all our problems and what’s more, our quest for happiness.

2. Achievement and recognition.

Some people think that achieving some goal or getting recognition will make them happier for longer.

Maybe you think this, too. You imagine what it will be like…when you publish that novel, when you run that marathon, get that killer promotion. You picture yourself feeling accomplished and respected, and you think it’ll make you happy on a day-to-day basis.

The thing is, achievement doesn’t do anything to raise your happiness set-point, either.

After my books reached New York Times best-seller level, I traveled around the country signing books and giving talks. Thousands of people would come to hear me speak. I should have been crazy happy from all this attention.

But I wasn’t. And if fame was the secret to happiness, politicians, popular actors, and social media stars would be some of the happiest people in the world. But they’re not.

3. Stuff.

This is probably the most common misconception about what will make you happy. You may not consciously think, “I’ll be happy when I get more stuff…,” but you if you spend a lot of time and energy on acquiring, shopping, fantasizing, and planning for STUFF, you’re probably (at least in part) doing it for some kind of emotional gratification.

Think about it…You look forward to getting that next shipment delivered from Amazon. You research the next car you want to buy. You try on new clothes at the mall on weekends. You peruse homes for sale on the internet or collect photos of bath and kitchen remodels on Pinterest, imagining the kind of living space you think will feel “just right” and will finally make you happy.

Stuff can’t make you happy for long because of the same reason fame and fortune can’t make you happy for long. Stuff can’t raise your happiness set-point.

And besides, as we all know, fashions come and go, homes go into disrepair, trends change almost daily, so even if you could buy as much stuff as your heart desires, you’ll never be able to sit back and relax and feel lasting satisfaction.

That hot new item you bought a few months ago? It’s already last year’s model and someone else has the newest and latest.

It’s important to note that this misconception is not your fault! We’ve been told our entire lives that fame, fortune and stuff is what dreams are made of. So why wouldn’t we think that those are the keys to happiness?

We don’t know any other way, so we keep chasing this pipe dream of happiness that never really arrives.

The Real Secret To Lasting Happiness

There is a way to be happy, no matter what. Today, tomorrow, for the rest of your life.

And it’s all about identifying and raising that happiness set point.

It took me most of my adult life and a lot of hard work to finally acknowledge that what I had been doing for years to attain a lasting happiness wasn’t working.

Working hard to make money didn’t work to make me happier. Getting famous didn’t work. I was giving speeches to thousands and signing books until my hands cramped, and I still didn’t feel as if I’d arrived.

Acquiring more stuff? That held no lasting joy for me, either.

This is why I spent the next several years focusing on the topic of happiness. I dove into the research in the field of positive psychology. I interviewed scores of experts on happiness. I conducted my own surveys about happiness. I also interviewed 100 people who were actually living from the state I call “happy for no reason.”

What I learned was astounding.

The only difference between people who had a high happiness set-point and everyone else?

Deeply happy people had specific habits that raised their happiness set-point.

That means that by practicing these habits, they were able to feel happier every day—no matter how much money they had, no matter if they were single or married, no matter what kind of job they held and no matter if they were surrounded by a lot of cool “stuff.”

It didn’t matter, because once they were able to raise their happiness set-point, they could keep it high by practicing these specific habits.

When I learned and began to practice these habits, I raised my own happiness set-point, and then went on to teach them to my mom. At the age of 80, she went from being a naturally unhappy person to loving her life and being upbeat and optimistic daily!

I’ve since taught these habits to hundreds of thousands of people with tremendous success, and I know that I can teach them to you, too.

It all happens in my 30-Day Program - 30 Days to a Happier Life.

This program was designed based on my research and created specifically to help people just like you - everyday, normal people who aren’t as happy as they want to be.

Who want to feel more fulfilled with their lives as they stand right now - withOUT having to look for more money or more accomplishment or more stuff to fill that emotional need.

Who have regular lives with regular relationships and the same stresses and worries as the rest of us. Who have spent their lives thinking that if they could just complete this project or pay down this debt or finally buy that new car… they’d feel different.

How it works:

Each day I’ll send you a short video with an insight, strategy, tactic or activity that you can do - completely on your own time and in the comfort of your own space - that’s designed to help you permanently raise that happiness set point.

And what’s more - these habits and strategies will build on one another. They’ll add together to create exponential results - to the point where you’ll feel like you’ve been working on this for years rather than just the 30-Days you’ve spent in the program.

Your baseline will raise and you’ll find that you’re happier overall - and that your true joy and delight lasts longer. You’ll feel more fulfilled withOUT the external needs of fame, fortune or things.

Simply put: this step by step program will transform your whole self. And you’ll be amazed at the person you become in just a month.

Are you ready to be less affected by the setbacks and more connected to your purpose?

Are you ready to simply feel happier on a daily basis?

Then let’s spend 30-Days together and make it happen.

With love and happiness,

P.S. Does worrying cause you daily unhappiness? You worry when you think something is going to change in your life, because it might affect your happiness. But what if you knew how to be happy no matter what?

In my 30 Days to a Happier Life video program, you’ll spend 10-15 minutes a day on building your happiness muscle, so that worry can shrink down or disappear from your life for good. You’ll get the exercises, tools, and tips that will bring you a great deal of relief from worry, doubt and stress and finally experience that inner peace you’ve been searching for.