The 4 Surprising Ways Your Friendships Are Negatively Affecting Your Health And Happiness

by Marci Shimoff

What is the quality of the relationships in your life? Not just with your immediate family or romantic partner, but with ALL the people with whom you’re close?

I’m talking about your close friendships, coworkers, clients, next-door neighbors, old high school or college friends, your in-laws. Reflect for a minute on these relationships.

Which relationships make you feel contracted?

Which ones energize you?

Which ones make you feel loved, respected, and supported?

And which ones drain you? Which relationships fill you with dread, even?

All of us, at one point or another, have been acquainted with or close to someone who just got under our skin for whatever reason. Maybe these people are always negative and complaining. Maybe they’re condescending without realizing it. Maybe they’re very self-absorbed and never seem to give as much as they take.

Perhaps you don’t really have many close friendships—because you haven’t lived in your city for long or haven’t made it a priority to cultivate new or deeper friendships.

You may not have given much thought to the people with whom you surround yourself. You take it in stride—you like some, you tolerate others. So what? You think.

But what you may not realize is that the quality of all your relationships has more influence on your health, happiness, and wellbeing than you think.

How Happiness Works

In this article, I’m going to tell you the 4 reasons why you need better relationships if you want to be happier every day. And if you have toxic people in your life? You’ll learn what steps you need to take to lessen their emotional influence over you, starting today.

4 Reasons Why Having High-Quality Social Relationships Is So Important

Whatever age you are, whatever sex you are, whatever country you live in, there’s an intrinsic desire to connect and bond with other human beings.

Our joy increases when we share that joy with others and our sorrow is less when we have a shoulder to cry on.

Countless studies in the field of positive psychology show that having good social relationships is one of the strongest predictors of happiness.

And I’m not talking about Facebook friends here! The longest study on happiness—a 75-year Harvard University study—showed that the biggest predictor of happiness is not fame, wealth, or success, but good relationships.

Quality, fulfilling relationships are a vital ingredient for long, healthy, and happy lives.

Furthermore, these researchers found 4 things:

1. Loneliness kills. It’s been linked not only to depression, but decreased life-span and health risks comparable to those associated with things like cigarette smoking, high blood pressure, and obesity.
2. High-conflict relationships are really bad for health, too. It’s not just the number of your friends, but it’s the quality of your close relationships. If you’re arguing or fighting all the time with someone close to you, it’s really bad for your health. A good, warm relationship is protective of your health.
3. Relationships affect our brains. Studies show that for people in their 80’s, having friends with whom they can laugh with and count on makes their minds sharper and their memories better.
4. Healthy relationships help us feel more abundant. A study by the National Bureau of Economic Research on 5,000 people found that doubling the group of supportive friends has the same effect on wellbeing as a 50% increase in income!

You may be thinking, Well, that’s all very interesting, but I can’t give up on certain people in my life. I HAVE to put up with them! They’re my family, my coworkers, my significant other! They’re people I can’t avoid or shut out of my life forever.

I totally understand. This is a very common dilemma for people who tolerate toxic relationships. It’s HARD to turn your back on people, especially if you’ve known them forever.

What I’m saying is that there IS a solution that can help you put some distance between yourself and those draining relationships without creating MORE tension and conflict. There absolutely is!

And it’s this:

How To Improve The Quality Of All Your Less-Than-Perfect Relationships Without Abandoning Them

You can possibly make many more new friends if you join a club or take on a hobby with like-minded others.

You may also be able to distance yourself from negative and toxic people with whom you’re not that close, anyway. It may not bother you all that much to do so. It may even be a relief!

But what can you do about the people you feel you MUST have in your life? What if you don’t want to abandon some of your friends?

And what can you do to cultivate and nurture your current good relationships to make them even better?

That’s where 30 Days to a Happier Life video program can help.

On day 26 of the 30-day program, I will show you how to build your emotional immune system so that other people’s negativity doesn’t affect you as much.

In addition, you’ll learn:

• Word-for-word suggested scripts on what to say to people who are perennially negative, in order to curb their effect on your wellbeing
• How to set appropriate and healthy boundaries, so that you’re not faced with constantly having to push back on people who are rude, selfish, or condescending
• Strategies and tips on how to tend and nurture positive relationships you enjoy

Plus, you’ll learn the 21 habits and practices of naturally happy people, so that you can raise your “happiness set-point” and experience greater ease and joy on a daily basis, no matter what’s going on in your life and who shows up to spoil your mood!

It’s all here:

Remember, your happiness is very powerfully affected by everybody around you. When you’re with positive people, your energy and happiness expand.

So take it from Mark Twain, who said, “Whomever is happy will make others happy, too.”

May you become that positive, happy person, so that the people around you will catch some of that happiness, too.

With love and happiness,

P.S. Listen, I’m all for supporting people and being compassionate, but not at the expense of your happiness and health!

That’s why boundaries are so important. But most of us don’t know how to set them and we end up alienating people instead, with our anger and irritation. Learn how to kindly and compassionately let that negative person know that you are going to take care of your feelings from now on, by watching day 26 of my 30 Days to a Happier Life program: