by Felice Dunas
Have you ever wondered why your sex drive varies from one day to the next?
Why sometimes you’re a hot-blooded animal in bed and at others you’re more like a cold fish?
Maybe some days, you’re performing like a dynamo with your partner and you’re really into it—the orgasm happens easily and feels wonderful — and other days, sex seems about as exciting as raking the yard.
If your libido seems to be waning more often or you’re having inconsistent sexual desire, it could be a source of tension or disappointment for both you and your partner. Your partner may take it personally if he or she can’t please you, even when they’re doing the things you’ve always liked in bed. Or they may want it a lot more often than you’re in the mood for.
A mismatch of libido can be a major cause of dissatisfaction in a relationship.
Also, if you’re having trouble reaching orgasm due to not being 100% in the mood, you may start to become frustrated with your own body, not understanding why it’s not responding the way it used to. This frustration can lead to negative thoughts during lovemaking, which can block your pleasure even more.
Over time, all of these symptoms of inconsistent libido can lead to a kind of sexual death spiral.
This is where you stop initiating sex because you’re not experiencing as much pleasure with your partner, and your partner begins to withdraw as well, because he or she feels rejected or abandoned.
This may cause you to become resentful of your partner, blaming him or her for not being more attentive to your needs, both in and out of the bedroom—even though you may not be sure how your needs have changed or what’s really wrong.
Before you know it, you’re having even less sex—or none at all.
It’s a downward death spiral for your entire relationship.
The 3 Myths Of The Dwindling Libido (Do You Believe Any of Them?)
Let’s face it, inconsistent or unreliable sexual desire can cause havoc in a relationship.
Especially when you’re not clear about what’s going on or feel awkward speaking frankly about it with your partner.
Maybe the topic of sexual desire can be a source of shame for you and not something you wish to discuss with anyone. Or, you may suspect it could be due to a health issue or hormones, but you may be too embarrassed to bring up with your partner or doctor.
So, there you are, left to your own conclusions and theories as to why some days you’re into it, and some days you’d rather read a book or watch TV than be amorous with your beloved.
And since you’re not sure where to turn to get advice, you may be content to live with your theories and your less-than-satisfactory sex life.
Especially if you’ve adopted any of these faulty ones:
Faulty Theory #1: You think it’s “normal” for desire to wane as you age.
We tend to regard the decline in our desire and capacity for sex as we age as “normal.” We think it’s par for the course that we desire to have sex less and less. Until one day, perhaps when we reach a certain “advanced” age, we won’t even feel the need to be sexual at all!
We are resigned to the idea that the “honeymoon period” of new love can’t last.
Many of us also believe that the desire for sex declines with age due to changing hormones. There ARE certain situations where that can be true, and hormones can become unbalanced and therefore, affect libido. But for the most part a healthy person should not lose interest in sex as they age.
In fact, it’s completely normal to maintain a healthy and youthful capacity for sex no matter how old you are or how long you’ve been with your partner—if you’re doing the right things to feed your sexual energy.
Faulty Theory #2: Your low libido is your partner’s fault because they’re being boring/unimaginative/ unskilled/undesirable.
When your libido is in low tide, nothing seems to excite you in the bedroom. Your partner appears a little dumpy and frumpy, their moves are too predictable, and your go-to fantasy isn’t cutting it.
But is it really your partner’s fault that you’re not as into it as you used to be? Or is there something else going on with you that can explain the ups and downs of your desire?
According to Chinese medicine, when you become imbalanced in the yin (feminine, receptive capacity) and the yang (masculine, creative capacity), it could negatively affect your desire for your partner.
This imbalance of the masculine and feminine energies can occur suddenly because of your lifestyle and diet, or it can happen over time, due to aging or because of the dynamic you have with your partner.
Without understanding why, you’re suddenly not as attracted to your partner. And their behavior in or out of the bedroom is grating on you.
You may even be tempted into an affair, because the body yearns for someone new in order to rebalance yin and yang!
Without a clear understanding of how yin and yang energy affects libido, you’ll be mistaken in thinking your lack of desire is SOLELY related to your partner’s abilities in bed.
Faulty Theory #3: You’re too tired. (This is partially true.)
You’ve been working long hours, caring for your kids or have a lot of responsibilities on your plate. You haven’t been sleeping very well. You haven’t been eating very well, either, and now you feel like you’re coming down with a cold.
Is it any wonder you’re not in the mood for sex?
Obviously, when you’re not feeling your best physically, sexuality does takes a back seat.
But what if you’re never feeling in the mood? Or what if your tiredness only becomes apparent when your partner initiates romance?
Or, what if you’re only in the mood on weekends or on vacation?
Simple tiredness can’t explain why your libido is fading in and out, can it?
Fortunately, there is a good explanation for why your libido is being so fickle. And with the right combination of remedies, you can reclaim your passion and desire and enjoy a consistent, joyful sex life again.
The “Prescription” For A Healthy Libido—And A Healthier You
A low libido isn’t necessarily a symptom of aging, an unskilled partner or you just being too tired. Those are convenient beliefs that are keeping your partner at arm’s length and preventing you from looking deeper into what’s really going on with your sexuality and health.
And what’s really going on has everything to do with the energy that’s flowing (or being constricted) throughout your body.
As a doctor of Chinese medicine specializing in sexuality, I know that physical, mental, emotional and sexual symptoms are different expressions of one’s underlying chi condition. Chi is the energetic life force that runs throughout your body.
If your sexual chi is abundant and moving through the system as nature intended, you can bet that your sexual urges will be in the service of health and happiness.
Your body meets its daily needs by converting one form of chi to another when necessary. If it has to digest food, defend itself from illness or handle a challenging emotional situation, the body will mobilize chi for those purposes, leaving less for sex.
When your libido is out of balance, that can be a sign that your chi is also out of balance.
That’s why “I have a headache” can be a valid excuse for a low libido: Headaches are a sign of too much chi in the head area, and that can leave too little in the genitals. If you push yourself too far, your body will be forced to draw on its storehouse of sexual chi.
Do that too often and your sex drive will peter out.
This is why some days you’re in the mood and some days you could care less about sex. If your chi is blocked, weak or out of balance, your libido will be, too.
There could be many reasons why your chi may not be flowing properly in the service of your sexuality. It could have to do with when and how you’re having sex with your partner.
It may be related to your diet and lifestyle.
It can also have to do with how much of your masculine (yang) or feminine (yin) energy you’re expressing. Too much in one direction and not enough in the other, and your libido could be affected.
Once you get to the bottom of what’s happening with your chi and get the correct “prescription” to get it flowing again, you can enjoy sex consistently again as a way to deepen intimacy with your beloved and create greater physical wellbeing, too.
Passion Play Shows You How To Get Your Chi Flowing Again
In my program Passion Play, you’ll learn to recognize the signs and symptoms of constricted chi in your body. You’ll finally know why you’re feeling frisky and energetic one day and detached and listless the next.
You’ll learn how to balance your yin and yang with the way you behave in the context of romance, so you can enjoy a better emotional connection with your partner AND greater desire in the bedroom.
I’ll also show you how to incorporate time-tested, ancient sex techniques and practices, in order to increase your storehouse of sexual chi, making more of it available for healing and disease prevention as well as helping you to have abundant, high-quality sex throughout life.
You’ll also discover which habits and behaviors deplete sexual chi, so you can adjust your lifestyle and enjoy greater physical and emotional well-being every day.
Finally, I’ll show you how to adjust your diet and lifestyle in order to have more energy and stamina for every aspect of your life, not just your sex life.
By applying the chi-enhancing wisdom you’ll find in Passion Play, you’ll come to realize that libido doesn’t need to diminish with age or time, and that you can enjoy a vibrant, joyful sex life well into your 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond.
You’ll also be glad to know that there’s a way for you to improve the flow of sexual energy in order to enjoy a more consistent libido and bring more harmony to your relationship.
When you download Passion Play today, you can begin trying out all the techniques, tips and positions detailed in the eBook and audio program tonight—and take a full 7 days to decide if it’s going to help your specific situation.
If you’re not completely satisfied for any reason, you can let me know within those 7 days and I’ll refund your investment in full. There’s no risk!
You have nothing to lose and a lifetime of health and vitality to gain!
Download Passion PlayWarmly,
P.S. Superior lovemaking—the kind that you’ll learn how to do in Passion Play—bestows higher pleasure and more profound health benefits than ordinary lovemaking. It’s not just doing more of what you’ve been doing, it’s doing it skillfully and correctly. Learn how in Passion Play.