by Carol Allen
Does it take you a looong time to get over something “mean” a man says to you?
Does your radar go up and you wonder, “Is it me, or is it him?”
“Am I just too sensitive, or is this guy really an a$$?”
And finally…
“How do I know how much I should put up with from a guy?”
If you’ve ever found yourself mulling over these questions and can’t believe that the guy who adores you just shot something out of his mouth that left you feeling dismissed or just plain angry, read on.
And don’t give up on that guy just yet.
See, a lot of happily married women won’t tell you what I’m about to:
Sometimes my husband—yes, my adoring, wonderful, doting hubby of over two decades—can be a jerk.
Why Good Men Say Mean Things
Here’s the thing when it comes to men and women and communication: we women care more about words and language than men do.
Yes, there have been countless men who have worked their way into our hearts through poetry, powerful speeches, and song.
But socio-linguists have found that men and women have completely different brains when it comes to this stuff…(we women have a whopping EIGHT communication centers in our brains while men have MAYBE one—some scientists think NONE!).
Which is why we typically do so much more talking…and why the words “we need to talk” are the scariest four words you can possibly say to a man.
(Yup, it’s not just you!)
So the man in your life may not exactly be the best wordsmith when you’re in the middle of a tense discussion, when he’s distracted, or when you’ve just pushed one of his buttons (we’ll get to that below).
What you need to know: men’s words are simply not as sacred as yours are.
So they’ll sometimes say careless things they don’t really mean. So give them a break around the word stuff, and accept that sometimes they can be cruel.
Especially if THIS is happening…
The Caveman And The Jerk
Even the NICEST guy you want to have a house full of babies with can turn vicious if he feels disrespected.
I know this sounds totally 1950s, but hear me out…
This behavior actually dates back to our prehistoric ancestors, and years of evolution have done little to break the pattern. It goes like this:
If something in a man’s brain says he is being disrespected, he will automatically feel his status is being lowered and that his very survival is at stake.
And so he’ll go into “kill or be killed” mode.
If this sounds extreme consider that tribal hierarchy RULED mankind (and still does for millions of indigenous people all over the world!) until relatively recently. A man’s life depended on how he was perceived by those around him. If he appeared weak, his livelihood and that of his entire family was in danger.
Back then, men reacted by getting out a weapon (sadly, some still do). Today’s more evolved men will still feel a threat but respond in more controlled ways:
Becoming jerks, withdrawing, shutting down, being cold, being critical, and being unkind.
So, if you’re getting a bad attitude from a guy, ask yourself how you’ve perhaps been disrespectful. Did you inadvertently criticize him for something? Did you talk down to him, or make him feel incapable of something?
Are You Creating a Monster And Don’t Know It?
There are SO many ways women can inadvertently disrespect a guy and make a man go into this “caveman mode.”
And that affects a man as much as a careless comment hurts you.
You might be surprised to hear that a man will feel disrespected by things that would NEVER make you feel that way—such as if you suggest he might like to wear a different shirt, or if you give him explicit suggestions for how to feed the cat while you’re away, or if you tell him he really shouldn’t have said this or that to someone.
While you may see these as “helpful comments,” he thinks, “Geez, she must think I’m a big dummy!”
There are many reasons why you may be disrespecting a man—and creating a monster—without knowing it. Maybe you didn’t have a good relationship role model growing up. More likely is that you’re a super-together woman who knows how to do things better than her man (we’re pretty awesome, after all!)—but this doesn’t mean you should call him out on it!
Unless he’s doing something that’s endangering the safety of you, your property, or your children— letting it go is going to make both of you a whole lot happier.
I know this can be soooo hard to do, especially if you’re a soulfully sensitive woman.
You’re PARTICULARLY preoccupied with communication.
Sweet nothings from a man will make you feel as though you’re practically floating on air. But a careless word can pummel you into a hellish spiral.
Did he really just say that to me? How can he be so mean?
The “mean” comment lodges itself into your brain and swirls around, for days.
It hurts! You find yourself pulling away from him, withdrawing affection, wondering if he really loves you.
“Letting it go” can feel nearly impossible for you, but it’s really important that you learn how to do it, otherwise you can find yourself with a constantly “mean” man and/or a very lonely love life.
You’ll learn how to do this - and more - when you subscribe to Flourish’s free love advice newsletter.
I’ll teach many ways you may be disrespecting a man without even realizing it—things that make him feel like you think he’s stupid, incapable, or (gulp!) beneath you.
Hey, I’ve done a lot of these things myself, causing my husband—who is actually highly sensitive—to go either into his cave, or attack mode.
It’s not pretty, but I can usually trace it back to a slip on my part.
You’ll also learn techniques that will show you a better way of relating to a man and understanding him—and get him to open up.
Subscribe And Bring Him Closer Than Ever Before
I’m super passionate about helping women—especially soulfully sensitive ones — overcome the obstacles getting in the way of a loving relationship.
That’s why I’ve decided to partner with Flourish—an experienced community of experts dedicated to teaching you how to succeed in having amazingly happy and healthy relationships—of all kinds!
When you subscribe to Flourish’s FREE dating and relationships newsletter, you’ll receive truly helpful advice you can use immediately to start creating a very different romantic future—with a man who honors you and wants to create a future with you.
You’ll learn
- How to end the heartbreak of ghosting, rejection, and go-nowhere relationships by avoiding or reversing the 10 most common dating mistakes.
- A powerful process that will allow you to break the old patterns keeping you stuck and single.
- The #1 reason behind all relationship failure —and how you can heal yourself AND your relationship at the same time.
- How to awaken to your worthiness to love and be loved—and unleash your power to create a relationship that lights you up, inspires you, and brings out the best of who you are.
- What to do when you’re still pining over an old flame —including a piece of advice that will finally open up your eyes to why he’s NOT the one for you after all.
- The secret to passionate, life-affirming love making that makes decades of marriage feel new and exciting again
- How to communicate so each person feels heard, understood, and safe
- And much more…
Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, effective communication is especially important as a soulfully sensitive woman.
You usually say either too little, or too much.
I can’t wait to help you learn how to advocate for your needs without pushing away a man (if he’s good for you—we want him long gone if he’s not).
When you start practicing the tips I’ll teach you, I promise you’ll see a reduction in the jerkiness in your man, and you’ll enjoy an increase in closeness and connection—IF he’s worthy of your soulfully sensitive magnificence!
Soulfully Yours,
