by Evan Marc Katz
You don’t get it.
You’ve got so much going for you, and yet you can’t seem to connect with the men you’re really interested in. And the men you’re NOT interested in can’t stop texting and trying their best to get you to see them again.
It’s a weird dilemma.
Considering all your great qualities, you can’t believe how much bad luck you’ve had with dating.
That hot, alpha guy you couldn’t stop thinking about? He ghosted you. They guy who was between jobs and couldn’t look you in the eye? He still sends you texts saying he’s thinking of you, even though you stopped thinking of him months ago.
Why can’t you attract the man you’re attracted to? You’re bright, witty, confident.
Maybe you also consider yourself to be honest and direct, which means you don’t play games or dumb yourself down to please a man.
You may even be extremely attractive and turn heads wherever you go.
So what gives?
You’ve asked friends for advice. They may have told you that men don’t appreciate your good qualities. Or that men are intimidated by you.
Which makes you wonder:
Can you be yourself AND inspire the man you want to want you?
Smart, Strong Women Are A Lot Like “Nice” Guys
Before I answer the question of whether or not you can be yourself and still attract the kind of man you want, I want you to recall the last “nice” guy you dated with whom you didn’t feel chemistry.
He was probably polite. He called you when he said he would, he asked you where you wanted to go out to dinner, he made sure you were comfortable. He opened the door for you and pulled out your chair at dinner. He seemed concerned if you even made the slightest grimace or let pass the smallest sigh.
He seemed very solicitous of you, in other words. Which means, he was constantly seeking your approval.
A man who constantly seeks approval probably doesn’t project a lot of masculine energy. I’m guessing the “nice” guy probably didn’t come on too strong at the end of the night or make your knees buckle when he leaned in for a kiss, either.
The thing is, “nice” guys have this idea that women don’t like them BECAUSE they’re nice. Which makes no sense to them. Don’t women want to be with men who treat them right?
Of course they do. But strong, confident women ALSO want men who exhibit some level of masculine energy, who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. They don’t want to date someone they have to prop up emotionally.
Women don’t reject “nice” guys because they’re nice. They reject them because they sacrifice their personal power to get approval from women.
Smart, confident women are a lot like those nice guys. They think that they’re being rejected for their best qualities, or intimidating men just because they’re smart, confident, and successful.
This isn’t exactly true.
Men like smart, confident women. They do. So why aren’t they connecting with you?
Well, is it possible that some of your great qualities have a downside?
For example:
Your confidence can come off as arrogance.
Your wit can come with a touch of biting sarcasm.
Your directness also comes across as bossy and controlling.
Your success can translate into being a workaholic with no time for relationship.
Your independence can communicate to a man that you don’t need him.
That’s how all your good qualities can sometimes come across as huge turn offs to a man.
But there is good news, and it has to do with what men really want when it comes to connecting with the woman of their dreams.
What Men Really Want Isn’t Necessarily What You’re Focusing On
Is it possible you’re focusing on all the ineffective things when it comes to attracting a quality man?
If you’ve been focusing on how to impress and attract a man with your looks, your style, your accomplishments, your intelligence and success, then YES, you’ve been focusing on the wrong things.
Sure, a man appreciates a beautiful woman who’s smart and has her act together. He’d much rather be with a woman like that than a woman who’s a disaster in all respects.
But is he keeping a list of those traits in his pocket and checking them off on a first date? No.
Here’s the thing:
Men love to be needed.
They need affection, appreciation, and a soft place to land at the end of the day.
They don’t want to compete with you. They don’t want to be told what to do.
They know what they want, which is to feel a certain way around you.
Thankfully, you don’t have to give up who you really are to make a man feel amazing when he’s with you.
You can be free to be YOURSELF, just minus some of the qualities that get you ahead at work or that drive you toward your dreams and goals.
So…can you be yourself and still attract a quality man? Yes, if you’re willing to acknowledge and act on the fact that a man won’t marry you because of your looks, intelligence, confidence, and independence, he’ll marry you because of the way you make him feel.
And if you’re making him feel that he’s not needed or accepted for who he is, he isn’t going to want to continue to be around you.
Discover Your Way To A Man’s Heart When You Subscribe To Flourish’s FREE Love Advice Newsletter
When I say that you need to make a man feel a certain way, I’m NOT asking you to play dumb. Making a man feel good around you is all about acknowledging his needs, in the same way that you’d like a man to acknowledge your needs: you want a man who makes you feel like a desirable woman, not like his mother or his boss.
In the same way, he wants a woman that makes him feel like a desirable, needed man, not like a child or your protégé.
Lucky for you, that’s my specialty. I’ve spent 15 years as a dating and relationship coach, and helped thousands of strong, successful women find love (even after years… or decades… of heartbreak and frustration).
I’ve partnered with Flourish to help women like you make a man feel amazing, without compromising yourself. When you can make a man feel amazing, he’ll want to be with you. He won’t be able to wait to ask you out again. He’ll let down his guard around you.
You deserve love without having to contort yourself or dumb yourself down. You can still be yourself and attract the kind of man who captivates you. It just takes a change in perspective and knowing what a man is REALLY looking for in a future lifelong partner.
What you’ll discover is that it’s actually quite liberating to be the woman he needs you to be. You don’t have to “prove” anything to him. You don’t have to impress him. You don’t have to rely on trying to dress to the hilt or having the most perfect body in order to attract him.
Instead, you just need to stop making common mistakes most women make in dating, and instead learn what really works to attract a quality man.
I’ll teach you how to do all this and more, when you subscribe to Flourish’s FREE dating and relationship advice newsletter. You’ll get access to handpicked experts (like me!) giving you our best insights and strategies to find love and have the relationship of your dreams.
You’ll learn how to get into a man’s heart with your words and actions, without worrying about how to impress his head. You’ll know exactly what I mean when I say that a man wants to feel a certain way, and you’ll know what to do to set the stage for that in your interactions with a man.
You’ll also learn:
- What “amazing dates” really mean-—especially if you’ve had a date where the conversation flowed, you clicked on so many levels, and maybe you even slept together.
- What to say—and what not to say—to a man after those “fragile” first dates, as well as how to quickly and easily understand a man’s real intentions about you.
- How to tap into your love power center to create a relationship that lights you up, inspires you, and brings out the best of who you are
- 6 practical strategies to increase your confidence and motivation when you’ve lost faith and want to give up on love
- How to identify the false beliefs that have been sabotaging your ability to create love
- What men need to fall in love, and how to show him you are the women he’s been looking for his whole life
When you sign up to receive this jam-packed newsletter, you’ll see a radical change in the results you’re getting with men and dating.
So before you replay in your mind all the romantic words he said to you and try to pinpoint the exact moments you might have turned him off, please do yourself a favor get the insights you need to have the love life you’ve been dreaming of. Your love life will change… starting today.
Warmest wishes and much love,
Your friend,
