by Katherine Woodward Thomas
Something very interesting happens when you really, really want love.
It doesn’t show up.
Notice this in your life?
It’s like the more you want it, the less it comes your way.
But it’s not because “love happens when you’re not looking for it.”
And it’s not because you’re desperate.
Or that you have a huge character flaw that repels people.
Instead, there’s a certain dynamic you’re probably not aware of at play— something that many people miss when they wish, hope, pray, and make all sorts of affirmations to find love.
And until you realize what’s happening, finding the love you want is going to feel like trying to push a boulder up a hill.
It’s a very subtle shift, but it has enormous implications— notably, creating a miracle in your love life.
The Problem With Love Being Something You Want
I understand how much you long for love, because I was there, too.
In my early 40s and never married, I was afraid I was going to miss out on having the family I so very much wanted.
Moreover, I couldn’t understand how all my wanting wasn’t enough— how this deep, burning desire was not enough to call forth the outcome I wanted.
Then, the lightbulb went off:
There’s a big difference between wanting love and creating love.
When you’re wanting, you’re waiting for it to happen.
When you’re creating, you’re making it happen.
When you’re wanting, love feels like some random thing that strikes a lucky few.
When you’re creating, you feel empowered to take the specific actions that make anybody magnetic to love.
Your New North Star Is Your Lucky Star
Nothing shifts you faster into having what you want than making a commitment to creating it.
When you make this commitment, it becomes your new North Star: the guiding light from which you measure all your choices against.
Even decisions you may have previously thought were inconsequential move you closer to the love you’ve been longing for:
Should I go on a date with this person?
Should I take this job?
Should I buy this condo?
Should I go to this party?
Whereas, before you made your commitment to creating love, you may have made such decisions haphazardly or without regard to the implications for your romantic future.
Here’s what I mean:
Even Small Decisions Are Creating Your Future
Before your new commitment, maybe you got involved with someone because of the intense chemistry— even though you knew they wouldn’t be a healthy partner. Or you stayed home on a Saturday night just because you didn’t feel like going out that moment.
With your new commitment to creating love, you know that wasting precious time with an unsuitable partner isn’t upholding your ultimate vision. And you realize that even though you may not want to get dressed and go out right now, the love of your life may be at that party.
Because if you want love in the near future, you will shift the choices you’re making right now— and therefore shift the results you’re getting.
In other words, ALL your decisions get organized around this one commitment, and because of this, your results change.
For instance, if you’re committed to being in an equal partnership where you are heard and treated well, you will no longer settle for a relationship where your needs don’t matter. You will choose to speak up when you normally would have kept quiet.
Or, if you’re committed to being engaged by next year, you will think twice about turning down your friend when she wants to set you up on a blind date, because you never know what will come out of it.
These micro choices add up to real change, instead of coasting down the same loveless path you’re on now.
Up until now, you have not been conscious of how your everyday choices impact your future. And all those choices have added up to the life you live now. But when you bring conscious awareness to each choice— and measure it against your commitment to creating love— you are completely changing the way your life unfolds, one moment at a time.
How Can You Begin To Show Up As Your Future Self Right Now?
What actions can you take that are aligned with the future you want to create?
What choices can you make?
For example, if you had the desire to experience intellectual stimulation, you’d join a group that has a lecture series.
If you wanted to get better at expressing your sensuality, you’d start going to dance classes.
Or if you had the desire to contribute love to the world, maybe it’s time to join a group that is devoted to helping others— like Habitat for Humanity or Doctors Without Borders…
And if you want to create a beautiful home with your beloved, maybe it’s time to plant a flower bed in your front yard.
This is you as the co-creator of that future!
Make The Shift That Changes Everything
Can you see how different it feels to move from wanting and waiting to co-creating?
Co-creativity is not passive, it’s active—you are activating that future by who you are being and how you are showing up in life.
This is why it feels so powerful, because it is.
It’s all about moving you from a place of resignation— where you’re just waiting for love to happen for you— into a place of powerful possibility, where you are creating love in this very moment.
First, you’re going to want to break all the old patterns that are keeping you stuck in fruitless longing— including letting go of resentments and choices that are actually driving an immovable wedge between you and the love you want.
Then, set yourself up with a strong commitment to creating love along with the new healthier and wiser choices you need to make moving forward.
These are the actions that will allow you to graduate from your old patterns, show up differently, and take actions to demonstrate your new commitment.
These actions steps add up to making you UNSTOPPABLE on your journey, all the way to the arms of your beloved.
This is you actively partnering with the creative energies of life to weave the future you want into existence.
Lots of love and bye for now,
P.S. The moment I went from merely WANTING healthy, happy love to happen for me to making a commitment to creating it, everything changed— and staggeringly quickly.
Stop Waiting For Love