3 Mistakes “Soulfully Sensitive” Women Make That Accidentally Push Love Away, And What To Do Instead

by Carol Allen

Being soulfully sensitive is a beautiful thing.

Most of my friends are this way, and I love them for it. They’re exciting to be with, they tell great stories, and they’re DEEP and thoughtful.

My husband is sensitive, and it’s one of the reasons I fell in love with him.

(Although at the time I thought it was his Texas swagger… But that COUPLED with sensitivity was the dreamy combo I just couldn’t resist!)

Even I’m a lot more sensitive than I used to be, mostly because of changing hormones and age. (Thanks, menopause! ;))

And because of my deep appreciation and empathy for sensitive people, for over two-and-a-half decades now that’s who I’ve attracted in my work. (And because sensitive women are the most likely to want to grow and heal, and are willing to ask for help!)

What I know after all these years of working mostly with sensitive, romantic types, is that when it comes to love and relationships, soulfully sensitive women feel more, love more, and (sadly!) suffer the most. Love, dating, relating—are true challenges, and too often heartbreakingly painful.

But it doesn’t have to be this way…

If this is you, you take things harder than others and it takes a long time to “get over it” when you’ve been hurt.

For this reason, you may go months or even YEARS between relationships.

That doesn’t mean that you don’t want love, or that you prefer to be alone. You don’t.

You want connection. You NEED it the way a plant needs water to thrive. And you have so much love to give.

If you’re single, you know you need to put yourself “out there.” But the way most people go about that these days (internet dating, “swiping” for love on apps, texting—ugh!), is so excruciatingly difficult to do…

As A Sensitive Woman, You Hate To Date…And No Wonder

I’m going to take a wild guess: you hate to date.

Especially the AGONY of “early dating.”

That’s the stage between, “OMG—WHO’S THAT?” and, “We’re a bona-fide couple!” that’s very uncomfortable for women, but especially so for sensitive women.

But it’s a CRITICAL part of the process that cannot be skipped.

I know, you want to skip dating altogether and get to the good stuff—straight to mating.

But that’s dangerous, because you can give your heart away too soon to someone you don’t know you can trust yet.

In fact, I hate to mention this, but it’s said that real trust takes nine months to three years to develop! But for you it can take “just one look” to fall in love. Gulp…

That’s a lot of time to make hopeful assumptions and build a few “castles in the air,” and think you know a guy when you don’t yet.

And what’s worse is that Mother Nature creates a crazeeeee chemical cocktail in your brain when you’re first falling for someone that gives them “the halo effect”—making it so you only see their good qualities and become blind to their bad. (Unlike most “real” mothers she just wants you to hurry up and get pregnant so the species can go on! ;))

As a soulfully sensitive woman, you easily connect to another person’s essence. But that glorious spark of God might be encased in a broken personality. In other words, he might have issues that you won’t discover for a while that keep him from being a good partner to you—or anyone.

So these are the reasons you hate dating. You hate it because you’re DEEP. You like meaningful conversations and cozy intimacy. You hate “chit-chat” and telling the same story 25 times in a month to a bunch of strangers. (Or even just once or twice…ugh.)

You hate dating because you’re thoughtful and intuitive. And the “everyone is disposable” hook-up culture of modern romance makes everything waaaay too casual for your liking.

You hate it because you get too excited, too inspired, too starry-eyed when a guy says the right things and you connect, and then too crushed when that same guy so easily disappears. It leaves you devastated and soooo distracted from the things you have to do.

And because you feel it all so intensely you try to understand it intellectually just as much, causing you to overanalyze E-V-E-R-Y-thing.

Here’s something that’s supposed to be fun and exciting and adventurous, and to you it just feels like a big, soul-sucking waste of time.

The 3 Mistakes Soulfully Sensitive Women Like You Make In Love And Dating

Here’s the thing.

Part of the reason you hate dating is that yes, sometimes men are jerks and dating can be a real drag.

But another part of the reason you likely hate dating is that the very things that make you awesome are the very things that may be driving a wedge between you and anyone you start spending time with.

Seriously!

The following are what you might call your “Achilles Heels.” In other words, the things that make you special also can be your weaknesses when it comes to attracting (and keeping) the right man.

Can you recognize yourself in any of these?

Soulfully Sensitive Mistake #1: You do a lot of inner work and not enough outer work.

You looooove diving deep into inner work, especially after a break up or disappointment. You do vision boards. Attend workshops. Read self-help books. Write in your diary or dream journal. Have long talks with girlfriends, maybe even get therapy. All of this is great!

The problem is, you do endless inner work—always tweaking your self-improvement, always trying to grow and learn and “be your best”—at the expense of ever getting yourself out there. You’re growing and healing and learning about YOU but you’re not doing much (if anything!) in the way of meeting men, flirting, or working on the outer package. You’re a great catch but no one knows it or knows where to find you if they did!

Soulfully Sensitive Mistake #2: You put too much stake in chemistry.

When things feel right with a guy, you’re all IN, pretty much right away. When the chemistry is hot, you’re convinced he’s The One. Even if it’s only been a week and you don’t even know his middle name yet!

You’re notorious for doing what my friend Christian Carter calls the “instant relationship” and assume that if this heightened MOJO is happening with a guy, it means he’s feeling it, too…and that he wants what you want. So you expect too much, too soon.

This is a mistake because you tend to ignore or dismiss red flags about the guy’s potentially less-than-stellar character because you’re so blown away by the fireworks between you. Not to mention that sometimes a man doesn’t want the same things you want, even if he’s wildly attracted to you. (I know, this sucks!)

Putting too much stake in chemistry without a foundation of friendship, shared values, and aligned romantic goals often leads to unpleasant surprises and bad breakups. Which makes you go inward (see mistake #1).

Soulfully Sensitive Mistake #3: You believe the stories and ignore reality.

As a sensitive woman, you have a tendency toward dramatic language, especially in self-talk. It’s not just a bad date, it’s a DISASTER. You haven’t met a couple of inappropriate men, “There are NO good men out there. NONE.”

Ever notice this about yourself? Like I said, your expressiveness makes you fun to talk to, but when you’re talking to yourself in these terms it can cause you to be more negatively impacted by what’s happening, and more depleted by the whole experience…so you’ll ultimately burn out and avoid dating all because of a story or stories you’ve constructed in your mind, instead of seeing the kinder, not-so-dramatic reality, or accepting that much of what you’re going through is just “life” and what so many other women have to deal with, as well.

When you build up stories in your mind about how hard, devastating, and awful things are, you’re talking yourself OUT of love.

And when you’re way too positive—giving a man too much benefit of the doubt, seeing entire loaves of bread where he’s only throwing around crumbs, and treating him like a king even though he’s doing very little to make you feel safe and secure—you can get all the more hurt.

Now that you think about it, perhaps you may have never considered any of these things “mistakes.” You were just doing what you needed to do to protect your heart, to be authentic, or because it just felt right to you.

Of course! That’s perfectly normal and understandable.

But there’s a better way to do that, which DOESN’T isolate you, turn men off, or keep you stuck.

I’ve got you covered. It’s a program I developed to celebrate and support you, and to help you find and keep good love, without letting the thing that makes you so special get in your way.

How To Love Your Soulfully Sensitive Nature And Find A Man Who Will Adore You For It

You ARE wired differently than most women, and that simply means you have to do things differently.

And you need more support.

That’s all. Easy peasy.

In my program, Love and The Soulfully Sensitive Woman, I’ll show you how to avoid making the biggest mistakes that highly sensitive women make in dating and relationships, and how to navigate these challenges in a way that maintains your authenticity, but doesn’t scare off potential soul mates (or current boyfriends).

You’ll learn how to do the OUTER WORK that’s so necessary when it comes to attracting the right guy—especially subtle, easy ways to flirt and let the men of the world know you’re alive and available. Because, I know you! You often scope out a man you’re attracted to but then look away, walk away, and then look back and think, where’d he go?

He was waiting for you to show interest! But when you didn’t, he moved on. You gotta get his attention and then create an “energetic invitation” to inspire him to come forward. I’ll show you how…

My program will also give you tips, strategies, and advice that will ramp up your confidence in yourself and USE that gorgeous, sensitive nature of yours to melt the right man’s heart.

But you won’t melt it too quickly, because I’ll also give you some guidelines on how to SLOOOOW things down and not get too caught up emotionally before you know a guy is worth your time.

As a soulfully sensitive woman, you NEED certain things, all of which you can give yourself, in order to feel your best—mentally and physically. If you don’t know what these are, you’re going to hear all about them in my 6+ hour video program, plus accompanying workbook.

I’m certain that you’re going to feel so understood, so validated by Love and The Soulfully Sensitive Woman, that you’re going to want to watch it over and over! This just might be the best love advice you’ve ever gotten, because it’s so tailored to the unique, special person you are.

Soulfully Yours,

P.S. There are 4 important questions all soulfully sensitive women MUST ask themselves when a new love relationship is developing. By doing so, you can discover whether or not there’s potential, or whether this relationship will turn out to be way more tumultuous than necessary for your personality type.